


Chrom is salty over Smash.

by orphan_account



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates, Fire Emblem: Kakusei | Fire Emblem: Awakening
Genre: Crack Fic, Gen, chrom being salty af, chrom being salty over smash bros, like i am serious this is nothing but crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-31
Updated: 2016-05-31
Packaged: 2018-07-11 09:30:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7042516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chrom is nothing but salty over the fact that he isn't in smash. He even forms a band with Vaike, Stahl and Gaius just to sing about it.<br/>But he fucks up big time leading up to, during, and after his performance of his first song 'Why the fuck am I not in Smash'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chrom is salty over Smash.

**Author's Note:**

> I SWEAR. THIS IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING BUT CRACK.  
> I HAVE NEVER WROTE CRACK FICS BEFORE. The closest I've got to writing crack is running blundersfromchrom on tumblr but my god I have n eveR WROTE CRACK BEFORE.

He was soooooooo ready for this. More ready than freddy when he goes about yelling 'my body is ready'. Chrom was gonna perform in his band (called the Shepherds. Because chrom's 'imaginative' like that.) their new single which was gonna be number one. Definitely. Probably. Maybe. Not likely. It was called 'why the fuck am I not in smash and can I kill the corn to take their place' but they were forced by their 'manager' to change it to just 'why the fuck am I not in smash'. That manager was a goddamn birb, robin. Another damn smash character.

“what the fuck, vaike why are you playing that piece of trash?!” chrom roundhouse kicked vaike's 3ds out of the roof of the barracks.

“dude why did you do that, chrom?! You owe teach a new 3ds now. That fates one. Or at least £179.99/whateveer the fuck those other money things are to get it.”

“fuck corrin, get the awakening one!”

“nah, i'm getting the fates one! Teach deserves only the best for himself and his waifus. I totally want to marry charlotte. Or oboro.” vaike then stretched his arms and tried to show off the muscles which he had. Chrom didn't give a shit. “by the way crumb... stahl and gaius are playing smash on a wii u hidden away from you.”

“WHAT THE FUCK WE'RE ABOUT TO SING A SONG RIPPING SMASH TO SHREDS WHY DO YOU ALL HATE ME SO MUCH”

“CAN YOU MAYBE CHILL?”

“HOW ABOUT MAYBE YOU CHILL?!”

chrom spent a few minutes using falchion as a key to force every door in the barracks open but ended up with the doors being piles of wood chips. More for frederick to burn, he supposed. After a while he found the room which his other band mates were cooped up in.

as soon as stahl and gaius saw the point of the sword go through the door they panicked. They quickly ejected the smash bros disk and tossed it across the room, and rushed to find splatoon somewhere amongst gaius' candy.

It was too late. Chrom was like a bloodhound once he was in the room and found the disk almost instantly before scratching his fingers down it. the disk was unusable now.

“smash, huh? You tw o thougHT THAT YOU WOULD GET AWAY WITH PL AYING SMASH IN M Y B A N D? !”but before he could use his precious sword falchy on the two of them lissa appeared behind him and tapped him on the shoulder.

“hey big bro everyone's waiting to hear you sing your new song so you probably should go there now”

they were all late.

Chrom quickly grabbed a microphone (from literally out of the blue) before shoving two guitars at the two former smash players.

“we're going to have to play our music now. But let me warn you both if I catch you playing smash again i'm gonna go all out gangrel on your asses and make you fall from heights higher than emmeryn did”

lissa started crying because of chrom mentioning their dead sister.

The shepherds (not the band) were all waiting for the dork lord to finally show his face on the stage in the barracks when vaike appeared asking where his drums (and his 3ds) were. Chrom had got very annoyed last time he had lost his drums so everyone had to find it fast.

It took ten minutes to find the drums but they weren't found by vaike or any of the shepherds, they were found by the male and female corrin who had decided to show up out of the blue because they'd come looking for their 'invisible warthogs' again with azura.

The robins quickly got concerned over their safety because they knew that chrom was salty as fuck over the corrins getting into smash so they quickly took off their coats and forced them to wear them as chrom was now dragging stahl and gaius onto the stage whilst saying that he would give them a buffet of food and candy if they performed well.

A few very sarcastic claps and cheers were made by the crowd as the four in the shepherds (as in the band) got ready to perform.

“right. We are the shepherds and we are here to perform our first new single which is obviously set to become number one in the charts called 'why the fuck am I not in smash'.” there were five sighs made from the crowd because the robins, the corrins and also lucina were there as chrom said the song title.

It took a few moments for the band to get ready to perform. The music which they started playing was one of the main theme songs to smash bros and everyone was really confused as chrom began to sing.

“~whyyyy the fuck ~ am I not in smash broooos~”

And that was it.

That was the only line in the song.

Chrom had charged everyone tonnes of money just for a single line.

However… as soon as the music stopped, chrom's eyes narrowed as he looked over the crowd before he did a takumi impression. “SMASHIAN SCUM!” he threw his microphone directly at male corrin's head with the same sort of power that takumi's fudgin yumi had. Robin's disguise for him had failed.

Stahl had to quickly yell for everyone to evacuate the building as chrom began throwing chairs and stuff around, and because of that, Azura picked up the microphone which had knocked out corrin. “~you are the ocean's gay waves~” she began to sing just as chrom went and picked up corrin by the collar. The other corrin was hiding behind the robin by that point, who stayed behind to protect their smash _bros._

“don't make me go all navy seals copypasta on you, corrins. Why the fuck are you here after taking _my_ smash bros place, huh!?”

“uM-” the corrin hiding was scared by that point and was slowly reaching to grab her yato. “INVISIBLE WARTHOGS. LIKE LAST TIME.” and then she looked at the other corrin who was now drooling as he was unconscious.

“FUCK YOU AND YOUR INVISIBLE WARTHOGS.”

“but… daaaaaad… I don't want to… bleh...” male corrin was muttering as he was drooling and being held up in the air by the aggressive ylissean prince. He also said something about what he wanted to do with niles which was definitely not pg13.

“chrom, he's literally dying there. You need to get a fricking healer! Forget the damn warthogs!” male robin screamed as female robin just got pissed off with chrom.

In a matter of a few minutes of chrom screaming about smash bros and about how salty he was, grima was summoned, the future ruined yet again, lucina was in tears, the 'invisible warthogs' were at war with the risen and emmeryn had come back from the grave just to tell chrom to calm the fuck down.

Chrom had really fucked up this time.

He never repaid Vaike for his broken 3ds, or replaced stahl and gaius' smash bros disk either.

At least he calmed down when the robins let him be in their final smash.

 


End file.
